I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How does one acquire holy water?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
