I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
