my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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