Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
