I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
