i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
