i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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