the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
