With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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