When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
