If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
