I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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