youre lurking in front of me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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