I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
