So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
