Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
