Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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