I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
