You can't special order awesome
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
