I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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