mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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