I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
