Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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