but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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