Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
