Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
