I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
