No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We got so high we made milksteak
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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