sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
