She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
