UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pants are for mortals
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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