I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
