great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
