low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
