She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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