I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
