Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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