Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
