mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize