When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
