I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize