So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
