So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
