You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize