I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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