please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you had me at cake vodka
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
