i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
