also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
