I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
