He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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