Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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