4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
