I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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