Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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