i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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