I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
