Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
