Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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