remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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