i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
