return my video game
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
