It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
