I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
