I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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