I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
