some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
