Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
