either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize