i can't believe i had my finger in that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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