my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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