she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
