I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
