Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
