Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
