I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
