I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize