I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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