He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Enjoy the penises
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
