someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
