Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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