Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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