vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
