I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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